So, What Happened?
As many of my beloved and appreciated deviants know, last year I was on fire. 2022 I wrote two books, published one, worked a day job, went to Norway and Hawaii for fun, and somehow managed to run two full 26.2 mile marathons. Then this year came and things slowed down noticeably. So, what happened?
One of my desires for the Disorderly Publishing brands is to eventually start a podcast. I want to keep the momentum going and connect more with the readers. Part of that is being more transparent about who I am so that my audience has better context to understand my art. So again, I know you’re wondering…what happened?
A couple of years ago my husband of 4 years and I agreed I should move to Alaska to find better career opportunities. I did but he never came up with me. Eventually things cooled off and after a while alone up here I did start seeing other people. However the person I dated in Alaska the longest ended up lying to me and trying to manipulate me on a regular basis.
My ex husband wasn’t perfect by any means, it was heart breaking to realize he’d never move up to be with me. That said the person I dated up here was so much more toxic that our relationship caused me health issues, chronic stress and even put me in a group stalking situation. We were open, but he and his other partner were downright abusive. Literally I was texted out of nowhere last week by his girlfriend’s friend (not even his girlfriend because she’s a coward) randomly harassing me for no reason.
At first it started off as fun and great. She wasn’t involved and anyone he got involved with was respectful of his and my relationship. He did what I’ve heard many emotional abusers do - he love bombed, was super attentive, bought gifts and seemed caring but changed every time he thought he “had” me. Then when I’d pull away, he’d repeat the cycle. This went on for a grueling 10 months. Me being the foolish deviant I am thought I could use the drama for my book and I was bored being without my hubs or a boo for so long. Sadly he proved to be anything but worth my time. He would lie to me and his other partners, pit us against each other, and berate anyone I was interested in sleeping with outside of the relationship.
During the relationship he tried to hijack the brand I worked so hard and poured my money into to build. While I want my partners to be lightly involved in my business, he took over, consistently insulted me for my creative choices and tried to use my clout to hookup with other chicks. The entire time he hated when I worked on the book and tried to distract me from what I wanted to do, work and write, through constant drama with his newer connections. It’s no surprise to me that the day I decided to archive all the content we made together, I gained 100 followers on insta overnight and started seeing more engagement the first day. He and his toxic people wanted to see me fail. Instead of working on the book as much as I was last year, I was so consumed by this pathetic drama and producing social media content thinking it would help my book. I should have just given up early and worked alone. His hookup who is now his girlfriend is so insecure she had to send her friends to come after me online. Who knows, she might get ballsy enough to send her 17 followers on insta to confront me too. XD I digress, due to my own pettiness.
To give more context, I am a swinger but I am not poly. I date one person and fuck the rare other few people I’m into without emotional involvement or strings attached. I should have realized when he and her tried to force me into a poly situation that it wasn’t for me and ultimately this is what broke him and I up. I’m not poly. I’m entirely sure that I don’t want to date multiple people. I don’t care enough about my own ego, getting to know random people who take up my time and developing my EQ to do that. I’m actually a cold person romantically. My business will always come before my people, because my business feeds me and pays my bills. I don’t have the time, desire or interest for poly including dating poly people. If this makes me a cold hearted cunt, so be it. I don’t care. I wish the toxic people in the poly community would respect this, instead of sexually harassing outsiders and misleading them into shitty relationships, but here we are.
So how and where am I today? I’m fine. I’m still in Alaska but moving to Florida in less than a month. He started to get rid of himself predictably once I put up boundaries. I saw this coming from so far away. We ended up going to Pittsburgh June 1-6. At that time, a week before I initially broke up with him, when introducing him to my friends and family back home, I prefaced his intro to them with, “we’re breaking up soon”. Future suitors, I have no problem sacrificing you to my petty ass family and friends if you move funny because they protect me against other peoples’ bullshit. I will drag your name through the mud with my people if you try to take advantage of or control me.
The lies were getting worse and I saw it coming. Once I finally broke up with him twice, ghosted him for a bit and he got sick of me standing up for myself - he and I were over with by 7/10. Thank fucking god. My health, mood and success have all improved since then. His girlfriend keeps trying to model here too before they move out of state but she keeps cancelling going to events I’m going to. I don’t know why, but clearly it’s fear based. XD Sucks to suck. I got a super cute apartment in Florida, so my move is mostly settled. I obviously was impacted enough that while in the thick it did delay my work, but book 2 is done. I lost a bunch of stress weight due to everything so I’m clocking in 15 pounds lighter than a year ago.
The book is back on track so you will see the sequel, Disorderly Conduct: Deployment Edition on shelves before the end of 2023. As for thing 1, thing 2 and their hookup/friend group of reject 6s, they will absolutely not have characters based off of them in any of my books. I don’t need them, I’ve met far more interesting, less basic and much more attractive people up here and… just nah lmao they don’t deserve a legacy let alone one I CREATE for them. Abuse should not be rewarded, promoted or glamorized.
The final question… Am I still dating? Yes and no. I’m talking to a few chicks and chaps including my ex husband. Talking, not dating. I mean y’all…My business and baby matter more. If someone comes along and wows me maybe I’ll consider dating and eventually a partnership but in the meantime I’m focusing on myself. Also PSA to anyone interested in approaching me, do not fucking lead with sex. I am an adult industry worker so it’s a lot like bringing up work to me in my free time. It’s not cute, unique or interpreted how you think at all. If I want to fuck you, I will do the chasing.
